The Dark Side of Creativity

I've known about the dark side of creativity for a long while. But last night I ran across a chapter in a book I've been reading the last couple of days that addresses the topic in a way I hadn't thought about before.  The book is Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore.  I googled Mr. Moore and found his website and contact information, and I sent him a brief e-mail message of thanks for his excellent, soulful book.  The author was kind enough to send a brief message in reply.  (You'd be suprised how much authors enjoy hearing from readers, especially if, in a brief, cogent, and heartfelt way, you're specific about how the book influences you).

In the book, Moore points out several pitfalls about the creative life.  He writes that it has been said that artists are born "under Saturn" (Saturn was the patron of melancholy and artistic inspiration), meaning that their creativity comes out of their suffering.  The creative act, unlike what most people believe, is not all positive.  It's frustrating and not only that, in creating one thing you are inevitably destroying another.  

I have experienced this creation/destruction.  For instance, I have written a story and gained new insights, which ultimately destroyed something I previously believed about the world and myself.  This destruction is sometimes sad. 

In other words, not only does art sometimes come from a painful place, what you discover through your art can be painful. 

Moore points out that Capricorn is the image for Saturn.  Moore says that the goat on the mountain peak represents both the positive and negative impact of creativity on the artist: 

"The ascent and sure-footing are inspiring, but the ravine is steep, deep, and always at hand.  A creative person has to be like a Capricorn goat, able to climb high and yet nimble enough to deal with a slide and a fall."

I couldn't help but smile, reading that, since my last entry was about my childhood toy, Oddie the mountain goat.

I don't know that much about Astrology.  I enjoy reading about it from time to time because so many wonderful mythological stories are associated with it, and also the Constellations are based on myths.  My mother was Capricorn and our youngest son is also, so I knew something about the personality traits of the Goat, but not much more than that. 

So I googled "Capricorn Goat" and found the image of the Goat-Fish, which is one of the most intriguing things I've seen in a while.  Before yesterday, I wasn't even aware that the sign of Capricorn was the Goat-Fish

The Greek story behind the Goat-Fish is that Pan (a horned god, hence "goat") was involved with other gods in the quest to destroy the monster Typhon.  During one of the battles, Pan changed the bottom part of his body into a fish to escape Typhon. 

To honor Pan, Zeus placed the Goat-Fish in the heavens.

This story makes me think of another truth about the creative life.  The Goat-Fish represents two different aspects of the creative process.  The goat represents the head work needed to create, your logical intelligence, your ego (you must believe in yourself to some extent), your ability to organize and promote your work.  The fish represents the imagination, the descent into the abyss of the unconscious. 

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Ohio River Journey III

Allen and I went shopping at Cabela's yesterday.  If you don't know, Cabela's is a massive outdoor outfitters store.  He bought some things he needed for the boat, like two seats (for a long journey like this we decided we needed the back support).  He also bought some fittings he plans to use to create some good shade for us, and an antenna for the marine radio that was purchased a couple of weeks ago.  I bought some fleece socks, two tan pair of pants made of light material thatshould dry quickly.  The pants convert to shorts.  I also got two tops that are made a lot like swim tops.  But they are made out of that material that wicks perspiration away from the body, and they dry quickly.   I need clothes that dry quickly because I do sweat a lot (Remember that old commercial:  "I don't perspire, I sweat! " That's me--I sweat).  Also, I'll be handwashing my clothes, and since I don't plan on taking that many clothes (it's a small boat), quick-drying is really a must.  (We don't belong to boating clubs and won't access expensive marinas along the way.  For the most part, we plan to avoid restaurants and laundromats.) 

The clothes were expensive, but then everything seems expensive to us.

In case you're wondering, we aren't people of any great means.  I'm a lecturer at the local university; Allen works part-time delivering medical supplies for cancer patients.  Our mortgage is more than 1/3 of what we bring home.  We have a son in college, and, although he doesn't have to pay tuition (since he attends the university where I teach), we still pay his general fees, give him money for food and supplies and buy his books.  It all adds up. 

Our boat, Blue Girl, was bought last year for $800 with money I took out of a retirement fund.  It is a 22-ft. MacGreggor sailboat, built in 1977.  It was already a solid boat when Allen bought it; it just needed a good cleaning, as it had been sitting in the weather under trees for several years.  We spent nothing on her last year, and took her out in Lake Erie and on the Maumee and Ottawa Rivers several times, spending the night aboard her a few times.   We haven't sailed her, but putt-putt around with the 9 h.p. motor, which is very economical.  It's slow-going, but that's what we like. 

So we are putting at least as much as she originally cost us into making her ship-shape and into other equipment needed to chronicle the trip.  In order to make this trip, we do without other things:  the trip is on top of our priorities for this summer. 

We've already let too  many summers go by without doing something similar to this.