I have done a lot of reading lately about the "Dark Night of the Soul."
My latest discovery is a book by the same name by Gerald G. May, a psychiatrist who explores the connection between darkness and spiritual growth.
I believe that my writing comes out of my inner darkness. May says this darkness is a good thing. He quotes from John of the Cross, who believed this darkness of the soul is "night more kindly than dawn." According to May, we cannot fully liberate ourselves from our fears alone because "our defenses and resistances will not permit it." The "Dark Night of the Soul" guides us toward truth.
I can see how writing for me is akin to the biblical concept of salvation:
May writes:
Hebrew words connoting salvation often contain a root made of the letters y and s, yodh and shin. One example is the Hebrew name of Jesus, Yeshua, "God saves." This y-s root implies being set free from bondage or confinement, enabled to move freely, empowered to be and do according to one's true nature. In contrast to life-denying asceticism that advocates freedom from desire, Teresa [of Avila] and John see authentic transformation as leading to freedom for desire. For them, the essence of all human desire is love. (73)
I don't think I'd be exaggerating if I said that as I write, I feel an intense love for my imagined reader. Unless I feel this love, this spark, my writing is dead.
May also says that: "To guide us toward the love that we most desire, we must be taken where we could not and would not go on our own. And lest we sabotage the journey, we must not know where we are going" (73).
This would explain why I have no interest in tight plots.
IT IS THE JOURNEY ITSELF THAT IS IMPORTANT.
I believe it isthe love for my imagined reader (and for my characters) that frees me, not the writing itself.
Thanks to all of you who have posted questions in the entry "Theresa's Book of Questions." There's still time to post a few more. Click HERE to post.
I will post in my journal at least one more time before we leave early Saturday.
May's book helps me to see myself more clearly as a human being and as a writer.
15 comments:
“The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery.”
Francis Bacon
But in your journey of not knowing, isn't there a need to know?
What is it that compels you to write? Why must you commit to the page? What is it that you must say now? Or ache in the darkness and silence?
Of course these may be lifelong questions for any artist, but perhaps you can include them in your trip down the river as well?
ggw07@aol.com
This is a wonderful entry, Theresa. There is no reason why we should be afraid of our dark side. It is dark because it is unknown, or unexplored, not because it is bad. And what an adventure it is when we explore it. Jung could tell us a lot more, of course!
I am fascinated by your deep love for your reader. That is a really interesting concept which I am pondering. Do you find that freeing when you write? For surely if you love the person for whom you are writing, then you would want to pursue it. Makes sense to me. I had never thought of it that way.
Vicky
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vxv789/
Vicky, yes, I find it freeing because love doesn't judge or censor. All I have to think about is making the writing the truest and the best it can be. I'm just coming to realize this is how I best write, when I can love my reader. Otherwise, I am paralyzed and afraid. I think this concept might work for you, too.
The darker side of myself is a subject so at the top of my "Things I want to explore" in my journal list. Jung and the shadow side, Wabi Sabi (art), right brained personality traits ...
:.:.;.sigh :.:.:.:. just don't have the luxury of time right now.
I so envy the thoughts of you having the opportunity to be alone with your self (and your husband of course) for all those weeks on the water. Enjoy and make the most out of every minute. I'm sure eventually I'll have some more time to call my own, just not any time soon.
*** Coy ***
I think that part of my dark side is my fear of the reader. This may be one of the constraining factors in my writing. While love is honestly such a huge component of my writing, that fear is always there, and it is something that I probably need to explore more.
It fascinates me that the words for God, in ancient Hebres among others, are so similar. Yahweh, Jahwah, Jehovah, Allah, and so many others, sound so much alike. One writer whom I give much credulence to suggests it is an approximation of the saound of the wind dusing the times described in the Old Testament. It seems to me as if Yeshua were a derivation of those, a further connector of Him as the Son. Old Hebrew is often difficult to determine the actual meaning because vowels were not written, only spoken, leading to much confusion in interpreting older texts where parts are missing.
I find the issue of the "Dark Side" intensely interesting, representing as it does the "night" in contrast to the "day", or light of God. I do not connote it with evil, which to me is the absence of all light, not merely the dimming of the light. We must investigate those sides of ourselves where the light is dimmer in order to better understand our purposes and what drives us into the light. Perhaps it is the failure to investigate that darkness is what drives those others into the absence of light, after all. Your piece, as always, provokes thought and causes me to reflect on the duality of the universe. It is a wonderful journey, isn't it? Bruce
Cynthia, I know it is a huge leap from fear to love, but once I made it, it worked for me. I'm not saying I don't still doubt myself, I do. But in those moments when I feel I'm writing for another person who NEEDS what I've written, I feel a deep love for that person, and it makes the act of writing purposeful. (I do still fear "some" readers, but those aren't the ones I'm writing for anyway. As John Gardner says, you write for those most like yourself). Since your capacity for love seems unfathomable, perhaps you can channel that capacity for love into your fiction writing. --Theresa
Bruce, I had a teacher in the 11th grade who so hated my "florid" style that she gave me D's on all my papers! While just a year before, the wonderful, wonderful Mr. Croom had encouraged my passion for words and ideas, and gave me A+'s on everything. I've found through the years that I still have a tendency to get quite carried away, and I've trained myself to think in metaphors rather than adjectives and adverbs, both of which I use sparingly. I love your comments. --Theresa
Thanks for this entry Theresa, it really helps.
Derek
http://journals.aol.com/deveil/PictureoftheDay/
If I don't get a chance to tell you this before you leave, have a great time!
Jude
Okay, teacher, I think I've learned a lesson here. I don't know how I will apply it, but I will try. Where I honestly believe light cannot exist without dark, and that each soul must reflect both elements in order to be whole, it never occured to me to consider the reader. To think of the reader with love is a foriegn concept to me. I think of the reader as someone that I need to make my words clear for. I mean if he can't understand what it is that I'm trying to say, than my words don't have a purpose. But love? My concept of readers as a whole is really no more than an abstract populace that may or may not read what it is that I write. Something to think about.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/JMoranCoyle/MyWay
my dear, this entry makes my head hurt. toooooooooo deep for me right now!
your semester must be over, and you must be knee-deep in alligators getting ready for The Journey. i can't tell you how much i will miss you, nor how much i hope you have a most incredible and wonderful trip. i have no questions to pose, just looking forward to all your answers when you return.
BUT - what about vicky's list of questions in the comments on the Book of Questions entry? it's a wonderful list, i may use it in a post. i'll ask her firt if it's okay.
Grace and Peace be with you on the river - my thoughts will also be there.
this is a brilliant entry and so true. I hope that you have a blast on your trip and will be thinking of you......... 3 weeks? judi
Sonnet XVI
From "Fatal Interview"
Edna St.Vincent Millay
I dreamed I moved among the Elysian fields,
In converse with sweet women long since dead;
And out of blossoms which that meadow yields
I wove a garland for your living head.
Danai, that was the vessel for a day
Of golden Jove, I saw, and at her side,
Whom Jove the Bull desired and bore away,
Europa stood, and the Swan's featherless bride.
All these were mortal women, yet all these
Above the ground had had a god for guest;
Freely I walked beside them and at ease,
Addressing them, by them again addressed,
And marvelled nothing, for remembering you,
Wherefore I was among them well I knew.
Finally-as you cast off- What kind of journey did your ancestors make? What were the obstacles? What are the darkest minutes on board? What music corresponds to this? What music do you bring? What experience is like music? What music do you associate with memories? What are the sensory details of these incidents? Who do you wish you could talk to? What would you say? Does this remind you what your characters forgot to say but must? What are the mundane grimy tasks on the ship? What are the harsh confrontations with Nature? What are glimpses of Nature's unpredictable respite? What is night like filled with stars? What moments are stars? What stars do you reach for in your life? What do you yearn for on your return? What do your senses demand? How is the bond between you and your shipmate altered? What conflicts arise that illuminate your characters? How is your partner's support reflected in your characters? How are you transformed? What events initiate this? How does home look different? What do you do that is new upon arrival? What habits repeat?
Success in unchartered waters! Thanks again for the dialogue and inspiration!
ggw07
Aww, so clearly an Existentialist!
V
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